


the anchor that holds

by johnils (eggtarts)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M, i am emo so i needed this, i have been feeling 2tae lately, i probably did no justice but pls read i am thirsty for comments, my first 2tae fic debut yay, unbeta'd cuz im trash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-17
Updated: 2016-07-17
Packaged: 2018-07-24 13:29:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7510198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eggtarts/pseuds/johnils
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are times where Lee Taeyong feels extremely tired.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the anchor that holds

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [NCTprompts](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/NCTprompts) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
> Taeil is the only person who can anchor Taeyong whenever he feels lost, unable to regain his footing.

There are times where Lee Taeyong feels _extremely_ tired. 

Metaphorically, he is like an ocean. He lets himself be pushed and pulled around like rough waves on stormy nights – people push him around, giving him orders of what to do and what to say, telling him what should be done and what not. He lets other people pull him about and around; to greet the higher ups and to succumb to the ones who run their mouths behind screens, to feel only a certain type of feelings and anything else that shouldn’t be a matter should not be bother to him even though he has mixed feelings for whatever the matter it may be and the need to have it talked. And even now, he has a certain role he has to shape himself in; he is a leader, a brother and an idol, first and foremost. His brothers, the older ones and especially the ones younger than him; they all look up to him with adoring eyes. He has to be a good model for the rest of them because he _is_ the leader after all.

 _“You should set a good example.” “You should practice harder, more than the rest.” “You’re the leader. Set yourself as the role model even if you’re not the oldest.” “You have to take care of not only yourself but everyone else as well.”_ They all tell him these from time to time over and over again and he knows exactly what he should. (And being told countless of times is tiring. Everything is tiring.)

Sometimes, once in a while, to be exact; Taeyong _feels_ lost. There are moments where he felt like crying but the tears just won’t come out. Even when he is all sore and tired, even when he is aching all over, even when he gets nagged on by his superiors and even when Taeyong hurts himself with an injury, Taeyong could _never_ complain, but he had thoughts of quitting at times because he lost his footing. He just wants everything to end because the entire world _fucking_ hates him when he had only wanted to be loved. Was that hard to ask? Was this all worth the suffering?

“Taeyong-ah”, the oldest member of the group, Moon Taeil, calls for Taeyong one day. The gentle looking male pulls Taeyong to a corner of their practice room after one of their heavy dance routine practices. Taeyong responds with a hum albeit how tired he was and how he is trying to wipe the beads of sweat away from his forehead. It’s quite unusual for Taeil to interact with Taeyong even though they are not entirely awkward with each other. It’s just that Taeil is probably the last few person who would actually come talking to Taeyong, or at least that’s how Taeyong thought of.

“Yes, hyung?” Taeyong replies to the Taeil’s call as he uses his sleeve to wipe his sweats away. Taeil look at Taeyong for a bit before the male offers a smile and hands him a bottle of water to which Taeyong didn’t know the other male was holding onto. 

“You can lean on me.” Taeil tells Taeyong briefly and flashes a small smile before he walks away to join Johnny and Ten who were doing some cooling down stretches before he gets questioned why.

Taeyong is then left alone, confused to the other male’s sudden ‘confession’ but chooses not to question. Maybe the other male is just being his usual ‘angel hyung’ self as the Taeil is known to take care of the others rather than himself. Taeyong then stares at the bottle given by the other male earlier before he uncaps it and takes a drink. Not long after, their usual dance routine continues on for the rest of the day.

-

“Taeyong-ah.” Taeil calls for him again one day. This time, Taeyong had been too tired to talk to anyone, much less be bothered to respond or even hear what the other male was asking as he lays his sore body on his bed, all too tired from whatever had happened earlier. He was called to the office with a few others earlier; something about debut and sometime later when the other have left earlier and when he was told to stay behind for a moment, he is told once again how he needs to step up on his game for not only his members but for his fans and something between the lines of just looking ahead and not being bothered about the past. He is still bothered – about what his past, younger self had done but time to time again, there is a matter of time before he breaks down. _Again_. 

Taeil allows himself to shift closer to where the other male is unresponsive. Carefully, he settles himself on the edge of Taeyong’s bed then gives Taeyong a light pat to his leg. “Let’s talk, Taeyong-ah”, Taeil speaks as soft as he could but audible enough for the other male to hear him. 

Tiredly, Taeyong moves himself to a sitting position because that is the least he could do, especially when the other male is older than he is. “What about, hyung?” 

“ _You_ ”, Taeil’s response is short. “Is there anything you want to tell me, or you know… talk about?” the ever soft spoken Taeil ask, carefully as if he had been revising on how to approach Taeyong.

Taeyong looks at Taeil whom had his hands to his lap and how the other male’s fingers fiddle one another as if he was almost nervous yet Taeil’s eyes made contact with his. Taeyong stares at the other male curiously because there was something about Taeil’s tone that is laced with an odd confidence despite the other male’s nervous fiddling and it somehow made Taeyong pour up his hidden thoughts.

“I’m tired, hyung”, Taeyong replies shortly, followed by a sigh of exhaustion. 

“Oh”, Taeil exclaims softly and had felt an immediate feelings of guilt for the fact that he may have bothered the other male’s rest. “Should I leave you for you to rest-” Taeil immediately ask and got up from where he is seated.

Taeyong immediately reaches for the other male’s wrist when Taeil had got up and learns to regret it a bit later on but continues on with a respond before everything gets awkward. “I mean- Well, I am physically tired. But... I’m tired. Of _everything_.” 

“ _Oh_ ”, Taeil responds before he settles himself down again as Taeyong lets his wrist go, muttering soft apologies while he’s at it. Taeil then continues, “Do… Do you want to talk about it?” 

Taeyong takes a deep breath in before he nods to Taeil’s words, edging himself close to the other male. “It’s just… everyone _always_ expects me to be the best. And things regarding my past, they keep telling me I shouldn’t be bothered too much because they will find some way to settle it but I am. I am guilty as charged and I always think about it all the time and how _foolish_ I was back then. And in between of all that, it gets _really_ tiring everyday…” Taeyong starts, emphasizing his words when needed while his tears are forming as quickly as he confesses. “It gets harder each day, hyung. We’re debuting soon, I know _that_. But until this point I still feel like quitting – you know, giving up. What if things would be better if I wasn’t around? If I _wasn’t_ the leader. Maybe you or Hansol hyung could make a better leader than I do, a better role model even. Maybe people wouldn’t be looking down on us so much if I wasn’t around.” Taeyong chokes on his words as he tears up more before he harshly wipes them away with the sleeves of shirt though that didn’t stop Taeyong from pouring out.

Obviously, Taeil had not expect for Taeyong to open up about himself this much and that made the older male feel guilty because how long have Taeyong been bottling his feelings up. If Taeil had not approach Taeyong, what more could have happen and how much more will Taeyong have to keep everything to himself? Carefully and attentively, Taeil puts his arms around the crying male, pulling him into an embrace as he gives Taeyong comforting pats on his back while the other male sobs in his embrace. “I’m sorry it took so long for me to approach you, Taeyong-ah. Hyung is sorry… that you had to keep this all to yourself”, Taeil expresses, guilty laced to his tone but all with meanings as to what he had said. “You’re strong. I’m sorry I took so long to talk to you. But don’t say you’re a bad leader. You’re anything but that. You guide us well, take care us, even the older hyung lines. Heck, Mark and the rest of the other kids… they look up to you. If there’s anyone who is a better role model out of us all, it’s you, Taeyong-ah” Taeil speaks all at once, trying to comfort the other male but his voice is as sincere as he phrases his words.

It took a while for Taeyong to stay calm even with Taeil trying to comfort the other male with assuring words, pats and gentle smiles. “Would it really be okay if I stayed?” Taeyong asks, much for his own assurance and Taeil answers sincerely. “It would have been more than okay. I mean- who was the one who took all the scolding for us when we did something wrong? I would be have been scared shitless, if that was possible even if I was the oldest! And who was the one who taught us the proper move and made up a whole bunch of cool choreography whenever we needed a new dance routine? Who was the one that guide us through and made sure we showed off our cool sides? Who was the one that made things fun while we had practices and who was the one that made sure we always do our best? And who was the one that told me to never give up when I almost did, especially when I almost regret choosing singing over university? There is no one other than you, Taeyong-ah. And we appreciate that. _I_ appreciate that. All of us do, even though we don’t show it often or talk about it. But you’re _really_ important to us, Taeyong-ah”

At this point, Taeyong brightens up a bit, smiling even though not very visibly as he looks at Taeil for reassurance. “You think so, hyung?” 

“I _know_ so.” Taeil smiles with confidence to his words as he swipes his thumb against the dampen cheeks of Taeyong before moving to tuck Taeyong back to his bed, bringing the comforter up to cover the other male. “Why don’t you get some more rest, Taeyong-ah? We can talk more tomorrow. Just know that when you wake up later, everything will be alright. Because I am here. We’re here, the rest and I.” Taeil whispers his words as he pats Taeyong with assurance while asking him to close his eyes.

“Thank you, hyung. For talking and listening to me”, Taeyong mumbles as he slowly drifts off to sleep as exhaustion took over.

“I’ll be that anchor that holds you still when you feel like you need someone to support you, Taeyong-ah”, Taeil mumbles softly even though the other male is fully asleep by now. With a smile, Taeil shuts the lights off and left the room.

**Author's Note:**

> how do I vomit 1.9k+ words out after yesterday's 1k+ words and last weeks 40+ pages of thesis. I have no idea. anyway, comments are much appreciated???? ;;;;;;;; also, I have a twitter if u wanna hit me up @JOHNIL_TWT


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